Lonely Soldier Boy
by Akino Ame
Summary: Another introspect, but on Ryo this time. His thoughts after Brave Tamer about being Millenniumon's Tamer.


_"After all of the battles are over,  
__After all of the fighting is done,  
__Will you be the one  
__To find yourself alone with your heart? (Looking for the answers)  
__When it seems like tomorrow will never come,  
__When it seems like the night would not end,  
__Can you pretend  
__That you're really not alone?"  
__Michael Bradley/Yellow Dancer—"Lonely Soldier Boy": Robotech_

Lonely Soldier Boy

You know, I guess he was right when he said we were different.

I mean, I know I've been different all my life—I was smarter than most, but nowhere near the level of Koushiro; I was able to go to the Digital World though I had no partner…

Scratch that.

I have to face the truth. I have to face that _he _is my partner.

It's that whole "light and darkness" thing. It really gets tiring. I mean, Hikari and Ken have no connection, and they're light and darkness.

Okay, Light and Kindness, but I'm not talking Crests here.

It never really bugged me, but it should have. Millenniumon should have died about a hundred times. _I _should have died a hundred times. But he didn't. I didn't.

_We_ didn't.

There are days that I wish I could end it all right here and now. But for some reason I never do. I don't know why, but I have yet to actually take that jump. I wonder if that's why Osamu died. I've known him and Ken all my life, and I know that he was also different: smarter than most, not gifted as a Chosen… Maybe it wasn't a freak accident, but suicide. Well, whatever the answer, he's keeping his secret.

He's the only one that could ever have understood what I'm going through right now. Or what I _was _going through. Nobody could ever understand what it's like to be connected to your worst enemy—not Taichi, not Ken, not Daisuke, not Takato. What does it matter with them anyway? It's not like they're going to remember what happened anyway.

Is that the way I'm always going to be? A faded memory? Is that the sum of all legends? I never asked to be a legend, I never asked to be a Tamer, I never asked to be Millenniumon's partner… I guess we all have to worry about more than just the usual consequences when we decide to agree to adventure. There's a chance for death, a chance for glory, and a chance to find the horrible truth you don't want to know.

Oh, God, how am I going to tell my parents? They're sure to have noticed my disappearance this time. I got lucky with the first two: Time in the Digital World was a lot different from our own. Dad used to think I was no more than his computer geek son, but now he's got to deal with my being his computer geek son and a Tamer. And how am I going to explain this egg? There's no way I can go back to that old life. I'm even thinking about retiring the computer. I've gotten good at the game that these cards are also used for. Maybe I can drown my sorrows in that rather than using the Internet.

There's nothing left for me back there, back home. I've always been a bit of a recluse, so I don't need Gennai _jiisan_ or any of the Chosen to try and explain things to me on how to be a good Digimon Tamer. I'd rather figure that out on my own. After all, Taichi was allowed to make mistakes—so why can't I?

That world Takato and everyone came from. I think that will be a good new home. I just hope my parents will warm up to it, but ENIAC can give the explanation. I think I can even get used to having Millenniumon or Monodramon or whoever this guy will be as a partner. ENIAC told me about this matrix evolution thing that I should be able to do, so it would be something new to try.

But I'm not going to have the Tamers explain how to be a Tamer. In fact, it would be funny if I did that to them. Maybe I can ask ENIAC to send me back a year so I can be the first of them. Besides, it would be interesting to see what Ruki was like before she and Renamon became a team. And I'll choose a different city. Better to meet them by circumstance than seeking them out.

Well, if things don't work out, I can always head back to the Digital World. I've survived there three times before, so I can do it again. Besides, new Digital World means new experiences. I won't be bored anymore.

I think I can get used to this. And I won't have to figure out our existence alone once this egg hatches.

I can't believe it. I'm actually going to be asking Millenniumon for advice.

Funny how things turn out.****

**Not as cynical as my ones on the Kou twins of Frontier, but they're more angsty than Ryo is. _Jiisan_ means "grandfather," and I found out that and almost all the information for this from Ajora's To Bring Back Yesterday shrine. I also got the idea to use the quote from "Lonely Soldier Boy" from her Brave Tamer gaming diary, where she mentioned the _Mospeada _song "In Search of Lost Legends." I looked up the song to see the words "lonely soldier boy," and spent several weeks trying to find the Yellow Dancer song based on it. Review.**


End file.
